The desire to be seen, to be felt,
therefore there is nothing much left to say.
I light my cigarettes
sitting beside the window.
My hair turning grey
like ash from a flame.
My long dress belongs to another decade,
a relic of the nineties.
The decade when conversations lasted for hours,
the warmth of the heart,
the memories.
The days,
how faithfully they resembled one another.
I’ve worked in cinemas,
in the circus,
to perform the lives of others,
the acting of hypocrites.
I have lived their lives,
I’ve spoken their words,
worn their faces,
swallowed their sins.
I’ve leapt into the circus,
embracing its madness.
I tended to leave for now I’m old.
Damn it,
I spilled the sugar on the floor again.
But I’ve been moving in the circus.
I had a voice.
All eyes on me,
my movements, my steps
brightening the stage, the circus.
But dear Lucifer,
I warn you,
I have warned you,
the days will come, the sins,
the soul will be punished,
the flame will come for you out of heaven.
The sins,
the sins will never be buried.
There were rounds of applause,
seated quietly in the corners,
long after the audience had gone.
I had all the dresses I could wear,
all the money I could spend,
the taste of coffee,
the places I went.
My eyes no longer serve me well.
I keep wandering.
I keep looking at the images,
the newspapers,
the headlines.
The applause no longer remained,
the cries of voices calling my name.
Sana Jangeer Hamad is a Kurdish author, poet, writer, translator, compiler, and final-year English student at Salahaddin University, where she is among the Top Ten Students. She is a First-Place Winner of an International Poetry Competition and has also been selected as a Top Writer at an international writing event. A Voice of Asia delegate representing Kurdish women, she is also an experienced Model United Nations delegate, having represented Uruguay, Switzerland, India, Argentina, and Algeria across UNESCO, INTERPOL, the United Nations World Conference on Women, UNGA, and the Global Environment Assembly and many more.
Her poetry has been published internationally, and she is a compiler and co-author of multiple literary anthologies. She serves as a youth ambassador and delivers international webinars focused on empowering women and young girls to find their voices, build confidence, and engage in leadership. Her learning and professional experiences include the United Nations, UNDP, OHCHR, HP LIFE, Google Cloud, Microsoft, and the British Council.
